Being alone doesn’t have to be lonely

Photo by Wellington Cunha on

One of our most primitive needs is to have a mate. Not only to preserve and perpetuate our human existence, but it has been proven that having a life partner lengthens our lives. But at some point many of us find ourselves alone, whether we end up divorced, widowed, or maybe just never found our life partner.

Being single can be scary! During this delicate time, it’s so important that we keep ourselves from falling into the trap of ‘serial dating’ or even just settling for someone because we feel the need to have a companion. When you choose a partner for the wrong reasons (ie., for perceived validation of our own self-worth), it will always lead to an unwanted outcome. This could be general unhappiness, resentment, or something as serious as destructive behaviors. And worst of all, if you’re with someone who isn’t right for you, you’re holding yourself back from growth!

It’s common knowledge in the world of new thinking that you must love yourself first, before you have the capacity to love someone else. Parallel to this thought, you must first be comfortable with the idea of being alone, before you are emotionally ready to be with a partner.

I’m not going to pretend that this is an easy concept to master! But here are a few ideas that might help you.

  1. Become comfortable being alone in public places. Go to the park and read a book – or just sit on a bench and enjoy the experience! Dine at a restaurant by yourself – without relying on your phone to pass the time! Treat yourself to a night at the movie theater. All the while, be mindful that you are alone and savor the moment. Enjoy your own company!
  2. Use affirmations. My favorites for this purpose are “I am enough”, “I am safe and protected”, and “I am comfortable being alone”. Say them out loud each time. Their effectiveness is boosted drastically if you do this in front of a mirror! And remember not to use negative words like “I don’t” or “I am not” – always keep things positive!
  3. Explore new hobbies. One of the best ways to keep from feeling lonely is to try new things! What is something you’ve always wanted to learn how to do, but just never took the time? Find a class online or at your local community center and just dive in!
  4. Do some soul searching. Take a week, a weekend, or even just a day trip to get out of your normal surroundings and spend some time getting to know the inner ‘you’. Ask yourself deep questions like “What can I do to grow emotionally and spiritually?”, “What lessons is the Universe trying to teach me right now?” and “How can I truly be my best self?”
  5. Serve others. Bring your dog to a local nursing home for a visit (with prior permission of course). Bake some cookies and drop them off at the local police station. Challenge yourself to think of new ways to serve others and add it to your weekly calendar to help yourself make it a permanent habit.
  6. Take some time to get to know yourself. Journaling is the quickest and easiest way to explore your innermost thoughts and beliefs. Bring your thoughts from your higher self down through your body, and use your hands to let them flow out onto a physical piece of paper. You may surprise yourself by where your thoughts lead you! Don’t like the idea of keeping a journal? Try using single sheets of paper, then after you’ve read and meditated on what you’ve written, safely burn the papers with the intention of releasing your thoughts into the Universe.
  7. Reserve time for guilty pleasures. Indulgence is a MUST! Have a piece of rich chocolate cake, read a juicy romance novel, or take a nice, long nap! These types of things things are only unhealthy if you OVERindulge – or if they start consuming your life. It’s important to reward yourself once in a while.
  8. Cut yourself some slack. When we compare ourselves with others (especially using images we see on social media!), it’s easy to feel like we don’t measure up. Remind yourself daily about how amazing you are, and that you are doing the very best you can!

Embrace your time alone! Be selfish! Savor the fact that you can do what you want, when you want, on your own terms! It’s your time to FLY!

How do you remind yourself about how amazing you are? I’d love to hear about it! Email me or reach out on Facebook.

Peace and blessings to you!

Jen Merkel